Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
