I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
