the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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