My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You can't special order awesome
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
