Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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