remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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