You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
