Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
