I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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