and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
