TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
