She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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