Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
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I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
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I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Randomize