even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize