i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
