Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
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