It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
