Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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