my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
