I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
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