come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
