It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I stole a fireplace last night.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Randomize
