I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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