he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
