My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
