Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are all done wearing pants today
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize