his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
