either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
