On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
