Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
