How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
