yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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