This dress was meant to end up on your floor
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Randomize
