He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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