if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
