Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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