The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
