I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
i think my cat just said my name.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
