I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
