I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
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