you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
