Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
