I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
Randomize
