I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
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