i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
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