i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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