You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
