I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
and she was petting her beer can
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
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