I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
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