She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
