I am puke
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
foreskin is a definite game changer
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
