only you would photoshop your dick
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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