we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
