Just mADE A PArabola og urine
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
