Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
