no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
