at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
