Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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