how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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