I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
