So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Randomize
