Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
i just sent this text using only my big toe
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
Randomize
