I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
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