Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
