Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Sophomore year, I fucked on your desk chair. I'm sorry. I love you.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
