saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
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