Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
