i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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