Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Randomize
