Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
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