I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Randomize
