He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
Randomize
